Tears and thoughts of u-turning my car into oncoming traffic filled my afternoons.  I awoke each morning determined to not allow my pain to over take me again.  By noon, I always failed.  Months and months passed and the internal pain did not ease.

That year in many ways represents the point that separates my life into two major divisions.

Prior to this moment,  I knew Christ as my savior and I knew right from wrong.   But my life was more about me. What I wanted mattered.  What God wanted not so much.   My mantra was “God would want me happy” and it justified anything I wanted to do.

The pain I felt in this year had nothing to do with being punished by God.  The overwhelming depression came as a result of natural consequences.  The chickens came home to roost.

And at this moment, I realized I had ran from God.  The do it my own way attitude resulted in my separating from my Lord.  I stopped going to church most of the time, I stopped reading my bible and I stopped praying

I tried everything to breakout of the terrible place. Nothing worked.

My job required me to travel.  I decided to give one of these weeks to God.  My version of a time of fasting.  When I was not working, I would spend time in prayer and bible study.  I would focus on what God wanted me to do with my life.  I would ask Him and try to listen.

This week started a new stage in my life—my hand in hand walk with Christ.  The depression ended that week.  My path since has not been perfect.   I have gone through exciting times, I have suffered through hard times, and on several occasions I have strayed back to the “what I want path”.  But I have never been the same.

This blog is not about being a Born Again Christian, eventhough I am one.  It is about my journey as a Christ Follower.