Category Archives: My Story

Fear Shines a Light

Fear shines a light on those areas of our lives where we have not given up everything to Christ. Think about the Rich Young Man. When Jesus asked him to sell everything and to follow him, the young man went away sad.

There a secret areas of our heart where we fear God’s plan may not be our plan.

Think about Job. He jumped through hoops and performed religious acts almost in a superstitious manner to make sure God did not take what matter most to him.

A few years back, God took me on a long bible study of fear and faith. Every service I attended, every book I read and the studies I did on my own seemed to be focused on fear.

One pastor said Idols worshiped by people of old were physical representations of what they feared most. We do the same thing.

We pray to God asking Him to answer our prayers. When God’s answer seems to be no, we grab it back and say, I will handle this. We equate hard times and loss of someone we love or something important to us as being God not answering.

We place it before God when we think he is our only answer but as long as we think we can handle the issue we keep it in our control. Why? Because we fear God might say no.

Where there is fear we do not trust God to be in control and that if He says no in that area of our life than it is for His higher purpose. A purpose we may never understand.

Church: Have It Your Way

A friends blog recently put a germ of a thought in my head.  She discussed types of church and which was best.

This got me thinking,  I know scary.  First, I searched the verses and wonder what God said about the churches.  Then, my focus changed to what do I like in a church.

1) Bible Studies   (I love bible studies)

2) I prefer a teaching preacher to fire and brimstone preacher

3) A church should have outreach

4) A church should love

Then, God convicted my heart.  What if it’s not about me?  At least not what I get out of the church.

At one time,  I belonged to a church that was falling apart.  The preacher had a nervous breakdown, the music leader left, the youth leader left, the children’s minister left. I was a Sunday School teacher and we were moving in a few months.  I thought it would be great to move to a more together church for those few months.  Go to bible studies and have a consistent environment.  I prayed and prayed.  Each and every time I asked God what I should do, He told me to stay and shore up the church.  Today that church is one of the Mega Churches with a well known pastor.

Another time, I belonged to a church as close to what I believe a church should be.  And from this church, God called me out and sent me to a dysfunctional church.  I went kicking and screaming.

There I meet a woman who is the Pied Piper of bringing kids to church.  She is a  proper lady, very conservative, but she loves everyone.  She cared for the single moms, their kids,  the drug addict and the person struggling.  Not in some abstract make a donation way.  She gave her money, but she also brought the individuals with her to church.  She picked them up if they needed a ride.  God sent me to help her with the kids. He wanted me to serve.  He wanted me to be her helper.

Which reminds me of Brother Craven, I have been talking about the people who influenced my early life.  This man every Sunday drove an old school bus through the town picking up kids.  I rode that bus. My mom would have taken me if the bus had not, but those Sunday mornings were special.  We drove through town singing together picking up kids who would not have had a way to church.  This man served.  This man gave to the church without any real recognition or acclaim.  Church was about how he could serve not how he could be served.  And I thank him for picking me up every Sunday.

I confess, but I don’t think I am alone, when looking for a church I want a place that provides me with those things I like and I want a church that recognizes my talents.  A place where I can write, teach or serve God in some nice way.

But maybe we are called to go into a church that is none of the things we want in a church.  Maybe we join the church that has no love and we love the unloveable.  Maybe we find a church that doesn’t have the funds for janitors and we offer to clean  (this one hurts).  Maybe we offer to help in any way we can.

A woman who was over programs at the first church I mentioned once told me people always have a million suggestions of how to make the church better, but when you suggest they take charge and do it, no one has the time.  Maybe we need to find a church that is looking for someone to do all the things that no one wants to do and join–even if we have to roll up our sleeves and push a mop.  Yikes!!

As I write this, I admit I would rather not.  I want a comfy church.  A place that recognizes my talents and loves on me.  But I think God calls us to serve.  Jesus told us to wash the feet of our brother and sisters.  Jesus told us to not sit in the best seats at the dinner table but to take the lower seat assuming nothing.  We are to be lowly, humble and the servant.  And as much as it goes against our natures, we are to serve without expecting anything in return–not even a thank-you.  Jesus will tell you thank you in person.

And if I think that I am better than all that.  If I believe I should hold a position of power.  Or I should be pampered.  I need to take a second look at Jesus’ life.  He loved and he served.  Do I think I deserve better then my Lord.

 

Knowing God’s Will In Your Life

We study God’s word and seek to know His will.  We pray and ask Him to tell us what He desires.

Some decisions are easy.  The word of God says (you fill in the blank)  and we know what is required of us.  What is required is obedience to those words?  For instance, we know Christ called us to show mercy, to love one another as He loved us, to forgive if we wish to be forgiven and to love nothing more than we love God.  We don’t have to ask for specific guidance regarding these.

But sometimes we need the Lord to tell us specific things.    We face a decision in our life and desire to do God’s will, but how do we know His will?  How do we know which church to attend?  How do we know how He wants us to use our talents or gifts?  How do we know the specifics in our lives?  How do we know which way to go; which path to take?

We pray.  We ask.  But how do we silence our will so we can hear HIs will.

One method I think, my life experience is all I have to go on here, is to ask God to open doors and shut doors.

A few years back, we moved into a new neighborhood.  Moves require finding a new church.  We visited all the churches in the area and narrowed down to two.  Now I hate the whole going forward in churches.  I have spoke in front of huge crowds, but the long walk to the front to stand silent in front of a bunch of people is low on my list of things I like to do.    So I prayed to God, if this is the church You want me to join then make it easy for me.  I listened to the sermon and then the time of invitation came.  The pastor started with a call for every person in the church to come forward and sign up for a bible study they were starting.  Hundreds of people started moving forward.  The pastor then said, “If you want to join the church just head down the middle aisle.”  And in the mist of a crowd I made my way forward sure God wanted me there.  I belonged to that church for a few years and I can honestly say it is the perfect example of what a church should be.

A few years later, God called me out of that church.  My daughter felt out of place because no one from her school attended that church.  She wanted to attend a small church close to our home.  I did not want to leave.  So I prayed to God asking him to give me guidance and then I set it up so the answer I would get would be stay.  I told God I would ask two people what I should do.  I would ask the pastor’s wife and my father.  My dad said go.  Well, that was always the iffy one of the two.  But everyone knows a pastor’s wife would tell you to stay.  But she said go where my daughter would be happy.  So I went.

My daughter was baptized in that small church that she wanted to join.

During our years in this small church, the Lord laid on my heart that in parts of Europe, you know the once Christian land, most children could not answer a survey question regarding why Easter was celebrated.  This broke my heart.  I realized America was only a generation away from a similar fate.  A woman who attended the church was like a pied piper.  She loved the kids in her neighborhood and brought them with her to church.  I gradually became the children’s director of this little flock of wonderful kids.  We had so much fun.

God laid it on my heart to teach the kids of our neighborhood that Easter was about the Lord.  I discovered Resurrection Eggs and decided we should have a big event to draw the kids to our church.  People kept asking me how many eggs, and how many hot dogs.  I had no idea.  The answer I gave them was plan for 150 people.  It was an enormous number for this little church and I have no idea why I said it.  But I planned.  I asked the best teacher I knew to do the eggs.  I arranged for petting zoos and camel rides and every other attraction I could think of to draw the kids into the church.

The day came and with it freezing rain and ice.  Every easter egg event in town was canceling.  The zoo and camel canceled.  We had to make a decision.  My heart was broken.  I so wanted the kids to hear the story of Jesus.  We decided to go for it anyway.  We would hunt in the church and tell the story even if it was just for our kids.  As the time approached, crowds arrived.  We hid the eggs under the chairs and on the chairs. It was sort of pitiful really, but the kids loved it.

Then the teacher sat and told the story using the eggs to ask the questions.  One boy said.  “I can’t believe I am having fun in church.”  We had 150 people at our event that day.

The next year we repeated the Easter event and it became our big event for the children in the church.  Before the Easter event, I had the distinct sense God wanted me to leave.  I hated the idea.  I asked God.  I asked Him to tell me yes or no.  I asked Him if I flipped a coin and it was heads it meant he wanted me to stay and tails then go.  I got go as an answer, but I wasn’t convinced.  I didn’t want to go.  I loved working with those kids.  In the next week, a series of people came asking to take over tasks I had been doing with the kids.  God had told me to go and went I hesitated He took it away and gave it to others.  It was always His work not mine.

Another way God has told me His will was also around leaving a work He had given me.  I was a sunday school teacher in a church that was slowly breaking apart.  The pastor left, the youth leader left, the music leader was gone and the children’s leader left.  We were going to be moving in a few months and I figured it would be okay to leave.  I asked God to give me a verse as to what I should do.  Every time I asked, I would open my bible and it would open to the same verse. (the only time my bible opened to this verse was when I asked God this question).    Each time I asked, God gave me Nehemiah to read.  I interpreted this to mean I had to hold my place in the church.  We did move a few months later, but I learned that this church rebuilt to become one of the largest churches in the area.

I have used a multiple of methods to know God’s will.  I have asked for  Him to open doors and shut doors.  I have asked for signs; I have flipped coins asking for a yes or no.  I have opened the bible to look for a verse.  The one thing I know is when I honestly seek to know the will of God He has never failed to direct me.  It is more about my heart.  Am I willing to follow even if I don’t like the answer.  Am I open to the answer no matter what.

God is good.  I love the fact he walks with me and guides me as long as I am willing to follow.

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

Cindy Helped Me Find the Happy Side of Life

Strange the moments you recall forever.  I remember that moment in church when I accepted Christ, but I also recall minutes later standing outside the church waiting for my mom.  I stood there wondering what I would tell my mom and wondering what my decision meant.

For a little bit of time, it did not mean much.  Life slipped back to normal.  I didn’t continue going to church.

Then a Christian Band played at my school.  (Public school–times have changed.)  They advertised they were having a concert over the weekend so I went with my friend Cindy.

I knew that being a Christian meant more than just saying one prayer, but I didn’t know what was expected.  My friend Cindy told me to come to her church.  They had a new youth director.  The next morning I went to Sunday school and the youth director told us to return that night if we wanted to be part of the youth choir he was starting.

That church taught me what it meant to live as a Christian.  Without them, I would have been seed on a rock.

Matthew 13:18 Hear then the parable of the sower: 19 When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. 20 As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, 21 yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away.

That night the youth choir (some times referred to as the Dirty Thirty) came to life.  We were a motley group.  Many just like me, a Christian whose family did not attend church.  But they became my Christian family and taught me about the Lord.  We were called The Happy Side Singers after a song “I found the Happy Side of Life”.  I can honestly say that not every day is joyous, but every day that I walk with Christ is filled with contentment.  I did find the Happy Side of Life.

The second person who had a crucial role in my Christian life was Cindy.  She asked me to come join her church.

A simple invitation changed me

549938_10151516636695090_692090491_nLet me back up a minute.  I started telling my tale of walking with Christ in the middle.

During my years of being a Christ follower many Christians have woven in and out of my life with varying amounts of influence.  But, as I reflect on my life, I recognize three people impacted my life in ways that changed me forever.

First person: Polly

Want to know the great exciting thing she did to change my life so significantly.  She asked me to go to church with her one Sunday.  Small act with a big impact.

My mom took me to church occasionally when I was younger and she read bible stories to me when I was really little.  But we were not a church going family.  Now as I reflect back, I can see God moving in my life even before this invitation.  Christians crossed my path and I saw their lives.  But it was a simple invitation that took this middle schooler to a place where I could meet Jesus personally.

Why did I go to church?  She was my friend.

I have no memory of the words in the sermon.  What I recall, like it was yesterday, was the Pastor asking if anyone in the church wanted to be a Christian.  I raised my hand.  And seconds later, and even at the time I had no memory of actually leaving my seat, I was standing in the front of the church.  A woman explained to me the very simple steps of how I could become a Christian.

Confess I was a sinner
Believe Christ is Lord and died for my sins
Ask Him to be my personal Lord and Savior.

From that moment my life was never the same.  It would take two more people to get me on the right path.

But today, I thank Polly for inviting a friend to Church.

I praise and thank Christ for dying for my sins and saving my soul.

Now What?

Good byes said.  Gifts given.  Party partied.  And then I was unemployed.

Seventeen years of working for one company.  My friends worked where I worked.  I had no non work friends.

My interests all revolved around my career.    I loved working.  Designing and implementing programs was fun.  I was good at it.

My identity in many ways came from my career.  And now it was over.  So who was I?

God, you sent me home.  What do you want with my life?

I always wanted to be a writer.  I figured I would become a writer.  A second career that I could do from home while raising my young kids.

Volunteer for some major thing, maybe the Crisis Pregnancy Center.  That seemed like a good route.  I could see myself counseling young women, making a difference in their lives.  Changing lives seemed like a reason to be called out from my job.  I signed up for the training.

I prayed.  I waited.  I thought. I prayed. I waited.  I plotted.

I stood ready for God to show me the mighty thing He had ahead for me.  He called me out of my nice comfy job for some purpose and I was waiting.

The answer was not what I expected.  NoChristian Hall of Fame path was set before me.  Instead, God asked me to follow Him step by step in obedience.  Never being able to see the what was over the next hill.  He just wanted me to learn to go where I was told.

And the journey 549938_10151516636695090_692090491_nHe is taking me on has turned out to be a wonderful road trip.

And Then a Word From Our Sponsor (I mean the Ultimate Sponsor)

549938_10151516636695090_692090491_nThe next years included marriage, a third baby and a life I enjoyed. I returned to church and reading my bible.  And I started asking God to direct my life–not just in the big things, but in the small directions.

Then one Sunday God threw my life for a loop.

I went to church and through the service I kept hearing a nudging in my head.  God’s voice but not really words.  Just a  knowledge that God wanted me to quit my job.

Now let’s back up a bit.  My work defined me.  I was good at what I did. Or at least I thought I was.  Others might disagree.   At times, all the travel could be a bit much, but I was proud of the way I juggled it all.  I mean I even took my baby girl on one trip when no one was at home to watch her.    I didn’t want to resign.

God wanted me to quit.  If I was hearing Him right.  Was I?

Okay, Lord, tell you what.  I will mention it to my hubby.  If he agrees I will resign, if not then I will figure I misunderstood everything.  That was the plan.

I broached the subject with my husband and after thinking for a few minutes he came back with a completely rational response.  Now was not the right time to quit.  He planned to switch jobs in a year and then it would make perfect sense.  Right now we couldn’t afford to lose my pay check.   Wait one year and then leave the company when he left.

Well, there you have it.  Problem solved.  I must have misunderstood the message that seemed so clear.

The next morning my boss stopped by my office to ask me if I had ideas for how to reduce the cost of our department.  Without thinking, I said, “Lay me off”.  He laughed and walked away.  I had to chase him down the hall yelling “I think I’m serious”

This conversation sat in motion my leaving my job with one years salary as severance pay.  That one year ended up stretching into three years, but the pay lasted for the full three years which included paying for a year of college for one kid.

People tell me I left at just the right time.  The company was never really the same.  I don’t know, but I know in hind site God knew where I needed to be.

He Reached Out His Hand and Lifted Me

Tears and thoughts of u-turning my car into oncoming traffic filled my afternoons.  I awoke each morning determined to not allow my pain to over take me again.  By noon, I always failed.  Months and months passed and the internal pain did not ease.

That year in many ways represents the point that separates my life into two major divisions.

Prior to this moment,  I knew Christ as my savior and I knew right from wrong.   But my life was more about me. What I wanted mattered.  What God wanted not so much.   My mantra was “God would want me happy” and it justified anything I wanted to do.

The pain I felt in this year had nothing to do with being punished by God.  The overwhelming depression came as a result of natural consequences.  The chickens came home to roost.

And at this moment, I realized I had ran from God.  The do it my own way attitude resulted in my separating from my Lord.  I stopped going to church most of the time, I stopped reading my bible and I stopped praying

I tried everything to breakout of the terrible place. Nothing worked.

My job required me to travel.  I decided to give one of these weeks to God.  My version of a time of fasting.  When I was not working, I would spend time in prayer and bible study.  I would focus on what God wanted me to do with my life.  I would ask Him and try to listen.

This week started a new stage in my life—my hand in hand walk with Christ.  The depression ended that week.  My path since has not been perfect.   I have gone through exciting times, I have suffered through hard times, and on several occasions I have strayed back to the “what I want path”.  But I have never been the same.

This blog is not about being a Born Again Christian, eventhough I am one.  It is about my journey as a Christ Follower.

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