I can’t love the way Christ wants me to love.  I try and I can’t do it.

Do you know what it is like to want to love the way Jesus said, but to find yourself always ending up angry or hurt?  I think I equate making donations or paying for things as love.  Then people take advantage of me and anger grows, resentment takes root.  It’s not pleasant.

I pull away and close the purse.  I feel frustrated that some people seem to always have their hands out.  But even when I give them something it is out of duty and not out of love.

You see, I think about James 2:15 and 16 and I assume Jesus expects me to help them.  I mean James tells us if we see our Christian brother or sister in trouble wearing torn up cloths and lacking food that we should help.  He asks what good does it do to say keep warm and full, but to do nothing to help. So I give in and help, but it is not out of love it is out of duty.

I look at the negative list in Paul’s definition of love in first Corinthians 13 and I recognize myself.  I know the right words and what I am suppose to say, but I am not sure I really mean them all the time.  My words sound loving and kind but the emotion inside, the one hidden beneath my façade, is much more complex.

Paul says if we give up everything we have including ourselves, but don’t do it with love then we have nothing. Which brings me back to realizing that while I desire to love others as Christ has asked me to love I cannot do so under my own strength.

Galatians 5:22 tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is Love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance

The fruit of the Spirit means God working through us.   God can love with Agape love; I cannot, but the Spirit when I become one with Christ can love others with Agape through me.

I know I am moving through verses today, but I think Jesus in John 15 told us how we could move from people who are incapable of love to people who produce the fruit of Agape.

Jesus said He was the vine and we are the branches.  We can only bear fruit by dwelling in Jesus and by his dwelling in us. We are to live united to him.  Jesus words must become part of us. But it is more than knowing scripture.  It is about staying connected to Jesus throughout our day.

 Journal

Write a prayer to Jesus asking him to draw you closer to him.  Ask him to show you how to live in Him and how to be aware of His living in you.  Ask him to teach you how to love with Agape love.  Admit you are not capable of this type of love on your own.  Ask Him to prune what is not productive.

Also ask Him to give the name of one person (think lab rat) for you to practice allowing him to love through you.

Activity

Make a list of everyone in your life that it is difficult to love or even like at times. Write the names of people who are close to you and people who are on the edges of your life. Even a person you fight with on Facebook. Maybe someone you avoid in real life or on Facebook.   Or someone who avoids you. Make the list of everyone you can think of.

Now pray over each person and ask God to show you the person to choose. If you cannot determine which person to select, place all names in a hat and ask God to pick the person He wants to love through you.